When is it no longer worth staying in a job that is slowly burning you out?

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I have been thinking a lot about this lately, and I would genuinely like to hear from people who have been through something similar.

How do you know when a job is no longer “just stressful” and is instead becoming something that is actively consuming your life and pushing you toward burnout?

I am at a point where I can still function, still work, still deliver, but I can feel that something is wearing down inside. That is probably the part that worries me the most. Not a dramatic collapse, not some movie scene where everything falls apart at once, but a gradual erosion of energy, motivation, patience, and even basic mental clarity.

I keep asking myself whether there is still a rational way to make it work. For example, if the company pays very well, does it make sense to use that higher income to create other forms of relief in life, mentally and practically, and try to protect yourself that way? Or is that just a trap people tell themselves when they are already too deep into an unhealthy situation? In other words, once you get close enough to burnout, can you realistically step back and recover while staying in the same environment, or is the damage already underway and the only real solution is to leave?

Part of me thinks that, at a certain point, sacrificing your health for a paycheck stops being a smart trade altogether. Maybe it becomes more reasonable to accept a job with 20 to 30 percent less pay, or even to leave without something immediately lined up, if that is what it takes to get your head back. But that is easy to say in theory, and harder to do when the current salary is objectively strong and walking away feels irrational on paper.

The image that keeps coming to mind is that of a pack donkey that knows the mountain paths better than anyone, carries heavy loads efficiently, and has built up experience over years. Instead of being valued, it gets pushed harder and harder until one day it collapses and cannot get back up. And at that point the owner simply replaces it with another one, without much thought. The lost experience does not matter. The only thing that matters is the short term convenience of the person in charge.

That may sound cynical, but I suspect many workplaces operate more like that than they would ever admit.

I am not looking to vent as much as to understand how others recognized the line before crossing it completely. Did anyone here get close to burnout and manage to pull back before falling into the hole? If so, what actually helped? Changing role, changing company, taking leave, lowering lifestyle expectations, therapy, setting boundaries, or something else entirely?

And for those who stayed too long, at what point did you realize the money was no longer worth the cost?

I would really appreciate honest experiences, especially from people who have dealt with high paying jobs that looked great from the outside but came with an unsustainable internal cost.

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Tread(y) carefully, that's me
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What has helped in the past was:

Took some sick leave (3 weeks or so) to disconnect and reset boundaries. Soon got pushed again and then found another opportunity within 12-18 months as boundaries were broken.

remember it’s not just the company, it takes two to tango. You are probably working hard yourself as this is part of your work ethic. It’s very easy to get drag for such individuals in a vicious circle.

Is there some projects you can drop? Is there some discussion you can have with your boss that work quality is at risk due to focus dilution? And a solution is to reduce intensity or width of activities. If the boss higher doesn’t care, then look elsewhere. If genuine you create to design some boundaries, but you both need to respect these

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That really resonates with me, especially the part about work ethic. I think that is exactly where the trap is for some of us. A lot of us were raised, professionally and personally, to take responsibility seriously, to care, to deliver, and not to drop the ball. Those things sound like strengths, and often they are, but in the wrong environment they get used against you.

I am actually trying, at least mentally, to detach a bit from that side of myself just to get some relief. But that is also the problem: you can put some distance between yourself and the situation, but you cannot easily change what is deeply wired into you. At best, it feels like a temporary way to reduce the pressure, not a real solution.

On the manager side, the situation is a bit more complicated, but to keep it short, this is the classic scenario where most of the internal staff gets cut and a large part of the work is handed over to a low cost external provider. The few people left internally are then expected to absorb the gaps, keep standards up, and somehow make the model work. In that kind of setup, there often is no real path to fixing the root problem, because the underlying decision was made far above the people dealing with the consequences.

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Somewhat similar situation and in a bad loop: it’s a rare case where everything that can go wrong in the current project has, and I’m finding myself having a) attempted to take all on myself while at the same time b) making many small mistakes I normally never would. Also finding that more work hours don’t solve the issues, I always thought and practiced that throwing more work to a problem solves it, but not now. In parallel feeling dazed and incapable to take a step back and plan more systematically because every day brings up another unexpected problem.

Also finding that going from a small (100-120 ppl) company to a 10x larger one there’s no longer a coherent, well thought out team where everyone has everyone’s back to a setting where support finishes the moment your usefulness does is awful for morale and motivation.

How does medical leave work? My Dr offered me but I refused due to thinking it’s letting the team down, while I get reminded of my own words by my wife: that the people that matter are those you see being with 20 years from now (ie family, friends), and that any colleague can do a “not my circus, not my monkeys” in a moment’s notice. Kids getting to ask questions about why I work so long hours, wife worrying about my health.

Also a high salary doesn’t help much when you can’t enjoy anything because you’re working all the time, and recovering mentally and emotionally when you’re not. Even the gym doesn’t help…

I think downsizing in terms of salary, workload and stress is the only solution, or finding a job with a more supportive environment. Good luck in today’s CH job market, though.

Edit: age and generation and certainly family situation seem to play a part too: I see that younger colleagues seem to take better care of themselves in a way I wouldn’t dream when I was their age/level. They say no, they don’t compromise their life (eg cancelling holidays). In the end what matters long term is being well, physically, mentally, emotionally.

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I’d say protect your mental health. Once you burn out, it might take years to recover and you might not even fully recover.

But this doesn’t mean you have to quit. If necessary, switch to IDGAF mode: define a core responsibility and hours you will work to and let the rest drop away.

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I relate to this a lot.

I have not gone to the doctor yet, partly because I have a sense of the spiral that might start once I do, and I have been trying to avoid that for as long as possible. But at the same time, I also have to admit that I have probably been close to the limit for too long already, so I am increasingly thinking that I may need to take that step.

What you said about not being able to enjoy anything outside work really hit home for me. Even if you try to do the right things, work out regularly, eat well, keep some structure, and be a normal functioning person outside the job, it does not necessarily fix the deeper issue. When work drains you enough, even weekends stop feeling like real recovery. You are technically off, but you do not have the energy left to genuinely enjoy anything or even look for it.

I also agree that finding a decent job is not easy right now. For a long time I told myself that no company is perfect, every workplace has its problems, and that earning more than average might at least mean needing to work fewer years overall. But I am starting to think that this logic breaks down once you get too close to exhaustion. At that point, if the job is pushing you toward becoming non functional, then the body is basically giving a very clear message…that’s enough.

That is why I am now reaching the point where I would honestly accept even a just acceptable job, if it meant feeling better and getting some mental space back. At some point, being able to function, think clearly, and feel like yourself again matters more than optimizing salary on paper.

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I had a couple of cases in the past where I spiked 42-43C fever out of the blue, it lasted 2 days and then went away just as suddenly as it came. I spoke to a Dr at the time and they told me that this is a defence mechanism the body uses when it’s abused for too long, it basically says “You don’t get it, I’ll floor you now to give me a break”.

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That makes sense, and I am honestly trying to do that with all my strength.

The problem is that, at the end of the day, it is still 8 or 9 hours every day, and the weeks and months are long to get through when the pressure never really stops. What weighs on me the most is the constant interruption from everyone. I am the only one left in my team, so everything keeps coming to me from every direction. My brain then goes into this automatic mode where it just wants to get through as many tasks as possible, almost as if clearing more of them would create some relief. But of course that does not really work, especially given the company’s choices and the wider setup we are all dealing with.

At this point I think everyone is suffering in one way or another. The difference is probably just that, depending on personality, some people can absorb it better for longer, while others feel the cost more directly.

What also makes this difficult is that I do not think you can truly change yourself at that level. There is no switch you can just flip. And to be honest, I also think I would not have reached certain milestones in my career if I had not been wired this way in the first place. That is probably why trying to protect yourself can feel so internally conflicted.

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Push back. Setup email autoresponder if necessary.

Decide a core of what you will respond to and drop the rest.

“I’m sorry, I do not have capacity to respond to this. Please resolve the issue.”

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Talking to several friends at different types of jobs, I see there are many people who simply wouldn’t ever put themselves in such a situation, where they “suffer”, no matter the money. I have friends who’re content with essentially minimum wage, if it means they are overall relaxed and happy with their lives. I couldn’t do it myself, worrying far too much for that! And I see others who somehow manage to navigate this. I think the key is that they have a super focused, steel-clad goal they hide their psychology behind.

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I also know myself well enough to know that if I moved to something that felt too comfortable or too easy, I would probably get restless fairly quickly and start wondering whether I had given up too much. I would likely end up with regrets. But I also think that way of thinking can be very deceptive, because when you are feeling well again it becomes hard to remember clearly what the exhaustion, mental pressure, and constant strain actually felt like. Once the pain is not immediate anymore, the mind starts idealizing the parts that were good and downplaying the cost.

That is also why doing something that feels too simple would probably not give me much satisfaction either. I do need a certain level of challenge, purpose, and engagement. The problem is that it is easy to swing from one extreme to the other in your head, when what you really need is something in between.

That is actually one reason why I have started keeping a kind of diary about all this. I want to be able to reread it later and not fall into that trap of remembering only the prestige, the salary, or the few good parts, while forgetting what the overall experience was really doing to me.

As with most things, a middle ground would probably be ideal. Something demanding enough to feel meaningful, but not so consuming that it starts damaging your health and your life outside work. Unfortunately there is no magic wand for finding that balance.

The main thing I keep coming back to is still this: it is better to feel somewhat dissatisfied but healthy than to have health problems because of work.

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A job is no longer worth it once it permanently harms your health and your life more than it supports your future plans.

YOLO - as cheesy as that saying is - in your case, you should take it to heart and change your job or something else, right now.

15 years ago, I was in a similar situation: unhappy and dissatisfied with my job, and on top of that, I received a shitty diagnosis from my doctor (testicular cancer). I sat down, reflected on my life and wondered if I would be satisfied with my life so far if I were to die soon. The answer was a resounding NO. So after making sure, there was no more cancer in my body, I quit and traveled the world for over a year. Best time of my life. For over ten years now, I’ve been back in the daily grind, in a similar job, but I have a different attitude towards it and great colleagues. A certain IDGAF attitude towards stupid tasks clearly helps.

My time off was, of course, a huge disaster in terms of FIRE, but hey, YOLO :slight_smile:

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You’re talking just like a friend of mine does! He’s a lawyer, was working his ass off for years, long hours, mediocre pay (in Greece), then joined a big Swiss bank (in Switzerland) - went on the other side of the table - and according to him “It was the big sleep, I was done by 15:00 every day, often 12:00 on Fridays, and couldn’t take it anymore”. He was making very good money, very good bonus, had little and infinitely simpler work (was just checking agreements other lawyers had written, like he used to do) and quit it after 3 years. I called him crazy at the time, I remember him mentioning that his dad said “Ok, great, you shouldn’t leave this job EVER” and me agreeing. He went on to freelance for various big law firms and banks, having a shitty time in it, trying to change careers but was only ever considered as a lawyer. Now he’s back in Greece, working for a law firm, has a solid glass ceiling, decent - but not Swiss bank - level of pay, huge stress and is saying he’s giving it to the end of the year until he quits.

Maybe it’s just me but I say “Why the bother?!”. Could be that others are more driven and need the hustle and bustle - I just want a decent life, when I left academia I told everyone I’d dig up potatoes if it provided me with what I need, people didn’t understand then, some people understand now!

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If you were willing to write more on this, I’d be interested to hear your story.

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How would that work in practice?
Can you elaborate how you do/did it?

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Well, I try not to take tedious tasks, problems, and assignments too seriously and don’t let them bother me. I still complete them correctly, but with the least possible effort. And I also say “not my problem” if it’s not 100% within my area of ​​responsibility. When I was younger, I didn’t dare do that. I’ve also learned that if you’re too helpful, other employees are only too happy to take advantage of you.

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i kind of see myself here.. I got a job at a bank and it was the most relaxing and chill job. I just got back in a smaller start up, earing less and working more. Some days i really ask myself why did i ever change… since at the end of the day “its all just a job”.

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Sorry, taking the initiative to be a bit provocative here because I’m also up against it right now, so this is a vent, not an attack! What’s meaningful? Will anyone notice if one more overpaid private office worker stops working? We’re not talking about doctors, builders, road sweepers or baristas here. I maintain that the barista who earns 10X less than me is more meaningful. Sure, we don’t have anywhere near the same level of training, or liability, but in terms of what they do for other people, I find them more meaningful. Let’s not pick doctors, nurses, police officers/fire*men, public transport staff, engineers, maintenance workers, farmers, technicians…Frankly in my opinion most non-white collar workers are more meaningful - and I am a committed capitalist with social democrat tendencies.

Honestly, I’ve been saying for years that when I stop working, and my kids asked me what I did I will reply “nothing worth mentioning since I left academia”. Teaching university students - what most academics hate to do - was ultra meaningful and fulfilling!

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I’m really sorry you had to go through that, and I’m also genuinely glad to hear you came out the other side and were able to reset your life in such a meaningful way.

I did something somewhat similar myself once. After about ten years of work, I also reached a point where I stepped away and changed direction, but my health was not compromised at the time.

As a kind of Plan B, I sometimes even think about doing something radical. Selling everything, moving somewhere with a lower cost of living, having a vegetable garden to support myself for part of the year, maybe some animals, and living more detached from the rest of the system.

The problem is I have no real idea whether I would actually be capable of living that way in practice, or whether I am partly romanticizing it from a distance.

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What I meant was simply something in the same broad field, not necessarily something “meaningful” in the big social sense.

Even within the same kind of professional world, the experience can be completely different depending on the size of the organization, the level of complexity, the pace, the resources, the number of moving parts, and how decisions are made. A smaller and more grounded environment can be a very different life compared with a huge corporation, with its own pros and cons.

So for me the question is less about prestige or abstract meaning, and more about finding a context that is still engaging without being so consuming.

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