Swiss mom, foreign dad, not married - Swiss child? Bürgerort?

My spouse and I kept our family names. Unfortunately, it was not possible for our kid to have both family names.

We are from different ethnicities. To ease traveling with only one parent, we added this at the kid’s passport at field 11 Official Observations:
Legal guardian:

  • Name, birth date of mother
  • Name, birth date of father
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My wife is Swiss and I am non-eu. We both kept our original family names after marriage.

Our daughter inherited my wife’s “heimatort”, even though my wife has never been there.

Our daughter carries my family name, therefore, we always carry the Family Book with us (a certified copy) whenever we travel. Plus, we also added the legal guardian details (my wife and I) in her passport.

May I ask what made you decide to use your foreign last name instead of the more common swiss one (I assume) of your wife?

Our thinking was that she already has a Swiss passport and will grow up embedded and steeped in Swiss culture, tradition and values. However, she should also retain some semblance of her other nationality, be it just the family name.

We were advised by our Swiss family and Swiss based friends that giving her a non-western name might make her more susceptible to future discrimination/racism, but we anyway went ahead.

Same here :slight_smile:

I would’ve never thought that it might be such a “problem” for me. I realize it doesn’t really matter, but still I kinda want my son to have my name for the exact same reason you mentioned!

Are you speaking to her in your native language?

Occasionally :slight_smile: but I should really be talking to her consistently in my native language. Right now, its mainly French, Swiss German and English. My parents talk to her consistently though, hopefully that should help.

Every study shows something different (same CV but foreign sounding name decreases your chances to get invited significantly, up to 60%). Same at school where teachers put you into a box (Migrantenkind or whatever).

Totally different from the experience of my wife. Didn’t believe it either until I was just next to her. I guess it makes a huge difference if you are white or not and if the German is not really up to level. (btw, the tone instantly changed as soon as I made clear she was my wife in perfect German). She got the same in her job in Zürich (Architecture office). So nothing to do with remote areas.

Disclaimer :
I am not saying you should compromise on the name. In the end, the only one way to reduce discrimination is to make it more present and normal. But saying that a foreign name or foreign looks has no influence is just plain wrong and has be proven so.

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That is somewhat of a loaded opinion since discrimination does not have to be overt. Peoples opinions are formed instantenously. Do I want my child have to deal with that, because my parents and I had to flee a war torn country and are from a region (with a distinct name) that is, as you say, not popular among the Swiss and has attracted a lot of (mostly undeserved, IMO) negative attention? We didn’t choose for our country to be at war, we didn’t choose to immigrate. Isn’t stereotyping a form of covert discrimination?

Even I, a highly assimilated, highly educated doctor, who was raised and educated (not born) here experience overt discrimination from time to time. I do acknowledge that sometimes I might perceive something as subtle discrimination which isn’t malicious but moreso insensitive (like saying how my last name is “so hard to say” before even greeting me) but I am shaped by the experiences of my family, of my peers and myself.

Also I think, discrimination and experience of discrimation is highly dependent on who you talk to. This forum/board is full of highly educated expats who’ve come here to earn lots of money. Chances are they are working with other highly educated, affluent foreigners and Swiss people who live in more multicultural area like like Zurich, Basel, Geneva where acceptance for foreigners is much higher. Comparing those people (and their experiences) to someone living in more rural areas or someone less educated, or more disadvantaged (**) communities of foreigners is not telling the whole story.

** Please remeber that people fleeing wars or asylum seekers can also be highly educated in their countries. Their degrees might not be accepted or their language skills aren’t good enough but that doesn’t have to mean they are not educated or smart. I’m speaking from personal experience.

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In case anyone is wondering. The child is here. He’s amazing :sparkles::hearts: and he’s got my (foreign) last name. I’m still a little worried about that, but that’s just my nature :slight_smile:

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Congrats! and good luck with the upcoming sleepless nights :wink:

Thank you!

It’s been fine so far tbh. Definitly less sleeping in, but we go to bed earlier with him! I get up when he cries during the night, sometimes when mom’s groggy put him on her chest and then get woken up again once he’s done drinking to change his diapers. Then around 6 am it’s time for the men to have deep discussions about life and let mommie sleep. Love every second of it! I hate to have to go back to work in 1.5 weeks.

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Congrats as well from my side, I’ll be a father too in a few weeks :slight_smile:

A bit off-topic, but how long was your parental leave in total? 2 weeks?

Yep, unfortunately. Yours?

6 weeks in total, but I’ll split it. 3 weeks after birth and 3 weeks next year.

Lucky guy (also I kinda hate you :wink: ). What kind of industry are you in?

Insurance industry, more specifically pension funds. We launch, manage and distribute funds for pension funds, 3a and life insurances (for our parent company).

Pretty cool, that they offer 6 weeks of paternal leave. We used to have a day before, which is crazy, considering the toll birth takes, not only on the mother but the father too. Maybe in 30 years, my son will have a couple of months off for the birth of my grandchild. One can only hope.

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Yes, it’s pretty exceptional for Swiss standards. However, in Sweden for example they are way more progressive in this regard, parents in Sweden get 240 days in total, where each parent has to take at least 90 days and the remaining 60 days can be transfered between the parents as they please.

Novartis has 14 weeks parental leave globally.
And 18 weeks in Switzerland.
Try moving there (or your son :grin:) for the next child. :face_with_hand_over_mouth:

Interesting! It’s actually something I might be qualified for tangentially :slight_smile: