Mini FI-Retirement: surprisingly hard part = people + identity

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About a year ago I (44) quit my job at a large, international tech company. I’m not fully FI yet, but I’m at ~80% of my number and currently living below ~80% of my planned expenses, at around 3% withdrawal rate on current capital — so it feels relatively safe.

This past year has been kind of a “mini FI-retirement”:

  • lots of traveling
  • part-time ski instructor work
  • quality time with my 13-year-old daughter, my girlfriend and good friends
  • plenty of biking / hiking / traveling with my camper, being outside

And honestly: it’s been great.

Now the weird part (and this is where it starts sounding like a luxury problem, I know): I didn’t expect the hardest challenge to be social + psychological, not financial.

What I’m struggling with:

  • Finding peers who are also FI / semi-retired and want to actually do things (weekday adventures, trips, sports, projects).
  • Most of my friends are still deep in the classic work treadmill. Understandably, they can’t just disappear for a random camper trip — and some are starting to get a bit annoyed by my constant “wanna go biking/skiing/hiking?” messages.
  • I like intellectual work and building things… but I really don’t want to go back to a standard 9–5 with 5 weeks vacation and limited time freedom.
  • So I’ve been exploring entrepreneurial stuff- But as a lifelong employee, I’m realizing: starting that path (and meeting like-minded people there) is not as straightforward as expected.
  • Identity hit: without the job title, the built-in feedback loops (coworkers/customers/“you’re needed”), and the feeling of being “important,” it’s… oddly destabilizing at times.
  • I tried in-person FIRE meetups, but it feels like most people there are still far from FI — and the overlap in interests/lifestyle is low. Which makes sense: there just aren’t that many people in this in-between zone.
  • Practical constraint: my daughter is in school, so multi-month travel / living abroad isn’t that straightforward right now. That makes the “digital nomad” version of this phase less applicable.

Context on me: I’m into a lot of things — sports, technology, finance, and also building/repairing stuff. So I’m not bored… but I am missing the right “tribe” to share time and projects with.

So yeah: financially I be likely fine. But the “what do I do with myself and who do I do it with?” part is real.

Questions for the hive mind:

Anyone in a similar “almost FIRE / mini-retirement” phase?

Any tips for finding the right people (FI or entrepreneurial) — or for navigating the identity/meaning side of this transition?

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No, I’m still a long way from being FIRE. And unsure if I ever will be.

But here’s an idea: join lots of clubs! :slightly_smiling_face:

I’m always building things in clubs. The next event, renovating the clubhouse etc… I know someone who is a member of five clubs. He has an optional programme almost every day, if he wants to take part. It doesn’t fill the whole day, but at least the evening and part of the weekend. And it brings you together with lots of people who want to talk or/and spend time together.

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Thanks for sharing your experience, I find that feedback of this type of people that have actually made FIRE (or going through a temporary FIRE-like experience) is quite rare.

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Thanks! Yeah I tried that in the past. Problem also here, most people there are living a very different schedule limited by 9-5 or are already retired (because they are >65) and are mostly availble outside work hours or on weekend. But certainly will look into it again, thanks.

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Same here.

And I’m bored, have no kid, and am so clumsy at building and repairing stuff, plus, I don’t enjoy it. What I am good at and used to enjoy and make money with… well, used to.

You did a better job, just go on.

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Which canton are you based in?

I will have the same problem soon when I RE: I have young kids, so do not really have the freedom of FIRE without kids (long travel, being away for months), so will need to be around in the evening for kids, but available during the day.

This is the exact opposite of what I would like: to be able to spend time with kids during the day (which I can’t as they are at school) and do things with people in the evening when they are free after work.

It is really the evening/weekend time that is valuable and FIRE doesn’t increase that.

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Canton SZ. Why?

My daughters mother and i are divorced since few years - in good terms. And we help each other to allow travel for few weeks away at times. So that adds quite some flexibility.

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Why did you stopp?

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Business idea: Tinder for FI / early retirees.

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The passion burned out, to the point of disgust. But not before finishing the game.

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The no family thing is actually a choice that I do not regret. Worst would be “hey let’s have kids not to die alone” when you actually don’t want any.

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Thanks for your openness. I imagine that this is not an uncommon experience. May I ask why entrepreneurship is harder than expected? That could be a good way to get the meaning back. Plus, with a 3% run rate, there’s no stress to make something work, right?

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I am not in your shoes, but starting an entrepreneur carrier just to not be bored sounds farfetched.

What about converting to a teacher?

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Some say that buying an existing business (if you manage to find the right one) can be simpler than starting from scratch. Obviously it can also be a way to lose a big pile of your RE money…

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Indeed. I think people either have the entrepreneurial gene or not. And you really have to want it to go through all the pain of starting a business.

On top of that, without intrinsic motivation of the business itself and without even money motivation, I just don’t see it working.

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thanks for all the input so far!

I think for me there are really two distinct challenges in FI.

The first is the social side. Once you have much more time flexibility than most people around you, it can be surprisingly hard to find others to actually do things with. A lot of the enjoyable parts of life, sports, trips, projects, even just spontaneous weekday activities, are better shared. So in that sense, FI creates a strange mismatch: you finally have the freedom, but many people around you don’t. For that side of things, I probably am looking for more FI or semi-FI people, though entrepreneurial people may also overlap because they often have more autonomy over their time.

The second is identity and purpose. Over the last six years on the FI path, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about my values, what I really enjoy doing, and what gives life meaning. That’s why I think I framed the entrepreneurship part a bit wrong before. It’s not mainly about being bored. It’s more that entrepreneurship feels like an interesting path for growth and purpose.

I also don’t really buy the idea that you are either “born an entrepreneur” or not. I’m sure it comes more naturally to some people, but I think most people can grow into it. Over the last months I already feel I’ve grown quite a bit: facing fears, learning what kind of work gives me energy, and where I actually experience flow.

One thing I’ve learned is that I get a lot of meaning from building something useful for others. I don’t mind hard work or long hours if I care enough about what I’m working on. In fact, that usually feels very different from draining work. What seems much less promising to me is building a business with money as the primary motivation. Money matters, obviously, but on its own I doubt it’s a very durable source of drive.

Being somewhat FI changes the equation in an interesting way. It gives me more freedom to work on things I genuinely care about and to take bigger swings, instead of just optimizing for the most immediate cash flow. That path is riskier, of course, but it also has a much more asymmetric upside.

The main challenge so far is that I’ve been doing it mostly alone. I can go deep for hours on ideas and problems, but I’ve learned that to stay engaged over time, I need exchange with others. And the other challenge is committing to one idea or problem space long enough to create real impact. I have many interests, and doing everything solo probably makes that harder.

So overall, I’d say I’m not really struggling with boredom. It’s more about finding the right people for the social side, the right collaborators for the building side, and the right problems to care enough about for the long haul.

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For what it’s worth, nurses, police and other shift workers often have the same issue with having time off when others are working.
The mindset and spending ability might be quite different though compared to someone that has FIREd. Maybe doctors?

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My main challenge is staying interested in something.

One thing that makes it easier for me on the social side is that I’m quite introverted and happy to do things on my own - even preferring it in many cases. But I think even introverts need some degree of social interaction and outside stimulation to avoid getting too tunnel-visioned.

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Thank God I’m introverted and don’t like people, one less problem to FIRE :wink:

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The problem with these kind of schedules is the limited personal choice in when to work and most poeple are not eager on a day biking trip after and before a 12 hour night shift. Also in my age group most people have also family matters that take a lot of time (rightfully so).
So I guess the challenge is the limited availability of freely disposable/allocatable time (40 hour + per week in fix work hours plus only 5 out 47 weeks vacation per year..)