Excellent, thanks Jo! Agree, could be a good topic for the next meetup, which reminds me I should arrange that! Maybe a dinner this time?
Less financial advice but more about how to handle being a parent in the first months that will have repercussions on your quality of life as they get to 1y 2y.
A lot of parents around me stay in response mode - child crys fix problem - child crys give snack - child wakes up you wake up to console. This starts right at the start with crying in the night. If you say to yourself that you and your partner come first and that you decide on the timings for food / sleep and then gently enforce that using consistency and discipline… your baby will likely follow. Go full military precision mode if you can. Babies make bad leaders and cause chaos to your time and life if you bestow that role upon them.
I will likely get flamed heavily for writing this because for many people this is impossible for one reason or another… try to make it possible for you if you and your partner’s personalities allow it.
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Our second child will be born in the coming weeks. What I can add from my experience:
- buy some stuff in advance(basic baby gears) but do not overdue it. You might not like what you bought even when eg your best friends love it
- When it comes to cloths we are pretty minimalist compared to my friends. I feel like many people have tons of cloths. I dont see why you would need 10 pants, 20 shirts etc for a kid. Might change if you can one wash once a week
- Take a close look at all the invoices from doctors: pergnancy related costs are fully paid by the insurer, without Deductible. From 13 week on all medical costs (without accident) are fully paid by the insurer.
Last point i had a battle with kpt because the wouldnt accept blood analysis costs which was taken at the first pregnancy screening. They literally played dumb even I cited the law to them 2 times. Finally they accepted the bill. They said the problem was that the bill was coded with sickness as reason. But I didnt see such a thing on the bill and explained several times that it was pregnancy related. Thy always responded „only after 13th week the costs are covered..“
If the mother of your child will work only few days/week, from here point of view, marriage would be an advantage in case of separation for her
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Congratulations!
Don’t buy all the stuff, that companies want you to buy to feel like a decent parent…
50% you don’t need at all
30% you can buy second-hand
20% you can get from friends
10% you have to buy new…
Resist consumerism!
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All my wife’s girlfriends were quite happy to lend us their baby clothes.
It was really useful for the first 12 months because the baby outgrows them so much every 3-4 weeks.
Some of our friends asked us what they could gift us and some offer already pay voucher for food delivery. That was a very good idea to enjoy a prep meal at home.
I will recommend not to buy or add to your whish list
- play mat / tapis d’éveil
- Baby Park (because our kid was so active, he just wanted to be out and cry so much)
- Glass bibs
Best purchase gift
- foldable pram Yoyo2 for city trip
- ikea bed SUNDVIK
- cocoonababy to put him asleep in the first month
- baby sling / Écharpe de portage to put him asleep for his nap
- around 4-6 months identify his doudou with daycare transition and purchase it in multiple copy just in case you lost one or want to wash one (I got 4 of them)
- few Silicone Toy Straps for Baby Stroller so you can secure the toy and other object from falling of the stroller or the chair. It will be a game for the toddler to watch you pick up everything he will drop on the floor
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This is a highly advanced level of parenting!
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I went with the strategy of not giving them a doudou or security blanket to begin with.
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I don’t flame, but think that’s horrible advice the way I read it. Maybe not when it comes to a toddler testing boundaries, but a new-born? Those cry for a reason, and I’m pretty sure the reasons why parents should be bothered are not only their personal intuition, but backed-up by research about what’s good for a kid’s development (yet minding the parents’ sanity).
No right or wrong, ask the mother (and align with your support network like family, as well as your employers). The first weeks are important for bonding, but on the other hand the baby will sleep and be fed a lot. Your partner might need more support from you then the baby does, but maybe some work in between could help to stretch it out for longer.
A classic, hit your local library for some baby books. Many ridiculous ones, and some pretty decent. Those typically also include some check-lists what you could think of up-front as well. Note that they maybe from Germany or France, so not everything related to taxes, insurance etc. applies.
Depending on your knowledge, some also cover what the mother and fetus go through. If you are not familiar to babies in the first months or years, I’d strongly recommend to read “Babyjahre” from Largo. That one, I’d actually get an own copy.
It is. You’ll need a good balance between being prepared and stocking-up vs. over-spending. This also includes gifts and support from family or friends for me, meaning telling them what you need, but also sometimes just accept some unreasonable gift if it matters to them.
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I wanted to buy a secondhand stroller but the grand parents may strongly push to make a big gift. My wife wanted a specific model and found a decent deal so we bought it in France plus we detax it at the border.
For the doudou the public daycare will strongly push to have one or a T-shirt you have wear previously to help the morning separation or sleep during naps.
My wife was traumatised during her childhood when she lost hers and did not want to reproduce the pattern.
We also bought 4-5 Silicone Toy Straps for Baby Stroller so you can secure the toy and other object from falling of the stroller or the chair. It will be a game for the toddler to watch you pick up everything he will drop on the floor …
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A mustachian suggestion for stains. Poop or food stains, especially on light clothes, are removed easily if you place the washed, wet item into sunlight.
You may easily need 5 sets of clothes per day if the baby barfs and poops a lot…
If the baby barfs a lot flatulex, a harmless silicone oil, might work wonders. Talk to the baby’s doctor about it.
Not so mustachian but important. Your wife and you should buy one set of baby clothes that is new and your style. Just one set should do the trick. I do regret not doing that with my firstborn.
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This is the “key to success” !
If circumstances (eg. feeding) allows have separate room where one parent is sleeping/looking after baby, while other one can have full night sleep. Then alternate.
Know plenty of people who co-sleep or have baby bed in master bedroom - both parents get exhausted.
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If you can, you should buy all baby items such as diapers, wipes, detergents and shampoo etc from DM Germany. I did the math and we saved thousands in 4 years by doing so. We go there 3-4 times a year and buy everything well in advance.
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I bought diapers at COOP when there was big discount on their brand MyBaby.
Like 2000 ahaha and stocked them into my attic.
I paid 0.15 CHF per unit.
You can also subscribe to family program to get discount codes. Découvrir Hello Family
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