Addressing a subset of forum members: OK or wrong?

Ok let me be that guy.
Why PMs? Honest question. This is an open forum and if you prefer to PM all your questions you are basically doing a disservice for the cause of more women on the FIRE movement.

I am reading it as a man, I might have missed the reason you ask it. I apologize if I did.

I don’t know how many women are posting here, I think there aren’t many, but tbh most of the time I have no idea if I’m talking to a man or woman. (which is mostly a good thing apart for obvious topics)

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I suppose I meant that if someone wanted to exchange contact details or so to chat in real life or WhatsApp (…am I moving too fast?), then a PM would be better. Otherwise, yes do feel free to post here - man or woman!

Just because the ladies I know from my course only all speak German…. And in a personal-finance community that is supposed to be up-to-date, nobody uses IB because they don’t trust how their money and investments could be kept safe out of Switzerland. And they avoid US-domiciled ETFs due to fear/lack of information on the tax implications of non-CH or -IE funds. Although, I do not know why they’re not adverse to US stock picking, for the more risky short-term portion of their portfolios. :woman_shrugging:t2:

Our (hubby & I) goal is not really FIRE - we are already 40+… but it is to know that we have enough money growing for retirement & college education for our two kids; while not overspending on luxuries now such restaurants, holidays and presents! :grimacing:

I hope my kids will be able to get to FIRE, if they continue to grow the seedlings that we‘re investing for them now.

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…and I don’t have any idea why or how it should matter.

Sure, I can kind of understand how some topics aren’t the same for men and women (due to various social and legal norms conceptions that still exist as a matter of fact).

But personal saving and investing isn’t. It’s a totally gender-agnostic topic IMO.
I don’t see the point of seeking out discussion/exchange about particularly among one (or my) gender.

Wondering if they’re avoiding Postfinance and Swissquote as well, since they’re not only offering but basically promoting US-domiciled ETFs (as part of a very limited selection in their Yuh joint venture).

Edit: I was informed they got replaced by European ETFs, must have been recently

Please, let’s not turn this into a meta discussion on a tangential topic. As much as I would love to discuss, we’ve decided some time ago to shy away from political discussions in this forum. @Totoro wants to reach out to other women in the forum, I think it’s great and should be encouraged.

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I stand by my opinion above.

It does me make feel uneasy if someone thinks that they should distinguish, segregate or address only part of the forum public by gender. If someone feels it’s helpful to do so (and others agree or „encourage“ that, as you do, @Bojack), it only shows that there’s something wrong in the first place.

Even if you believe that there is something wrong and that we as a forum community are not doing great on equality and neutrality in some regards, the answer should never be, encourage or condone more segregation.

I believe that the forum, its users and discussions should be inclusive. Regardless of sex or (or race or nationality, among other things). There should be no need to differentiate or segregate people on such basis.

That said, I will refrain from further public discussion or comment on the subject here.

PS: On further introspection, I can see how my last two posts above in all their verbosity may seem an overreaction (admittedly, I got triggered further by the „(this) should be encouraged“).

…,when we really should not blow things out of proportion. I never saw this thread as anything more than a harmless attempt by the thread starter at getting in touch with likeminded people.

People with similar life experience are asking to get in touch so they can share things.

Let’s just respect that, and welcome them to our community.

Edit: and can we split out the off topic discussion including my post so things stay on topic for OP

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There, topic split.

Let me explain what I meant (but didn’t want to go into details, not to derail the thread even further). It’s been said many times that this forum is mostly men. Some have even raised concerns that this forum might be unwelcoming to women (not sure I agree, but I acknowledge the concerns).

And then when a woman reaches out to other women, she is getting “attacked” for doing that, posts are getting flagged, and the discussion instantly gets toxic, while the original thread dies. That’s why I felt the need to stress that it’s OK and you guys are overreacting to a non-issue.

We all have a set of unique characteristics, and we want to connect with similar people. Be that thing that connects us our nationality, gender, marital status, material status, profession etc.

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That was actually the original question that started derailing.

Of course one can address only a part of group. People are different, no need to go crazy in being “inclusive”. There are language subgroups, there are profession specific discussion, there are discussions about a cheapest way to buy diapers, which are not for everyone.

Why private messages? Well, if I would look for someone to connect in real life, I might have done the same. Not everyone wants for example to write many details about themselves in a public forum.

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I knew I should have shut up.
I’m against the wokenes trend and I’m in favor for whatever kind of PM people prefer. At the same time I don’t care if I’m talking to a man or a woman, as long as the topic is the usual topic of this forum (I might prefer to talk to a woman if it’s about women’s issues for example. note the word “prefer”. nothing is exclusive, some people might know more, some not).

The only reason I cautiosly started that topic is something we all agree (I’m sure): suggest women to talk openly to help:

  • the forum to be more inclusive
  • to show other women that there are women here

As you can see, it’s not an easy topic. You can’t easily suggest someone to do something in order to help themselves. This is true for any gender.

Anyway the title of this new topic is bullsh*t. “subset of forum members”. totally not the point.

I also feel weird to try to be a paladin for women’s rights, while suggesting them not to use their rights. It’s difficult and I feel sorry to have started this.

Propose a better topic. I had to call it something and I struggled to come figure out what it is that you and @San_Francisco are on about… Name in a few words what’s the problem and I’ll rename the topic immediately…

In any case, if you’re really trying to be inclusive with your posts, I think you’re achieving the exact opposite. It’s only weird if you make it weird.

to be honest I think she got it that I wanted to help. I’m not sure why this whole topic happened.

Inclusion is a very very important topic and it’s the starting point for most of the women’s right topics. Sometimes we try to be politically correct, making the whole thing worse (or creepy). The funny part is that we probably all agree, we just express it in weird ways that make everyone else confused. We probably look like a group of barbarians discussing some unclear topic while they are already going for their merry way :slight_smile:

Which is more creepy?

  1. letting people do their thing and minding your own business
  2. making a thing out of someone wanting to connect with other people 1-to-1, telling them it’s a “disservice to the forum”, and telling them what I read as (let me paraphrase) “why would you be specifically interested in what women think, I’m a man, and I also want to be part of that discussion”.

That much is most likely true, but you’re the one who opened a can of worms, and I’m just a mod trying to clean up your mess :wink: I’m feeling tempted to close this thread as soon as everyone has said their piece.

No, I don’t let you paraphrase.

You are a disservice to the forum.
End of topic.

could you two please communicate via PM? Thanks.

Well, that went well. I guess we can close the topic now.