I don’t. I have two kids and have several friends who have kids, many of which are in the “Can’t do it because reasons”. It’s really not that hard, we made a conscious effort with my wife to enable, not “allow”, enable the other to have a life.
Some of my friends (male) tell me “Ah yeah my wife doesn’t allow me to go out”. My response is simple: “we live in a time and place of equality, thankfully, now reverse that sentence you just said and say I don’t allow my wife to go out and you’ll see why you’re very wrong”. It’s not that hard to put toddlers to bed and then one of the two to go out with friends for a few hours, it’s even easier when they’re over 6. Me and my wife have taken it a step further, every 4-5 months one of us travels abroad alone for 4-5 days to our home countries to chill and recharge, it’s almost ridiculous how some of our common friends say “ah you’re a progressive couple”. We’re not a “progressive couple”, whatever that means, we just both need some chill time and have full reciprocal trust.
On topic, I’m very not there with regard to golden handcuffs and maybe never will get there, so I have no idea, however I understand the “one more year syndrome”.
Luckily, none of my friends have kid and we are a few that don’t want it at all (we’re in our thirties). But 2 are on the way to have kids. Let’s see how it will go.
I understand both of you. I think that if you want, it is still possible, but it asks extra energy and organisation. So, I understand that you can quite easily slip on the easy path (which isn’t easy at all) by reducing social life. I think, it is as well again depending on priorities, mentallity and needs.
@PhilMongoose Time to reinvest all that stuff and hobbies that you were doing. And maybe to reconnect with some friends, with more free time, you would even have the to move back to your city to see them. Or make some new ones in an hobbies.
This would be a good line for someone wanting to start their own business. But as an employee you agree to provide labor for money. It’s a fair exchange.
I think it’s good that the younger generations value their free time more and do not want to grind for years to buy unaffordable real estate, a shiny car or some other luxury. This raises the negotiation power of the “working class”. Frugality & reducing consumption gives you this power.
But it’s even better if we can find a hobby that creates value for others.
I think they’ve really gone a bit too far. I was reading one article about a lady who refused to commute 5 days a week into a London office due to the high transport costs.
I started working in London in the year 2000. I was earning £20,000 at the time and was actually getting into more debt as my living costs exceeded my income. But I saw it as an investment: an opportunity to work hard and learn to eventually progress in my career and get a better job.
I wasn’t complaining that I didn’t earn enough to buy property as it never even crossed my mind to even buy property at that time!
On a philosophical note, I guess childlessness is also a symptom of higher time preference among the current generation (I also do not have kids). Raising kids is a costly and labor intensive “investment” until you fully reap the benefits. The modern World has so many cheap alternatives to offer (as you said: sailing, diving, skydiving, traveling, etc.).
Securities are inflated across the board: real estate, stocks, etc. Grinding in your 20s and 30s does not seem too attractive, when you run the numbers. You need to be in the top 1% of earners (aka the golden handcuffs people ) that it makes sense.
But you typically don’t get the golden handcuffs in your 20s. You have to work 20 years until then. Of course, younger people have more opportunities to strike it rich through: YouTube, oneline scalable businesses, crypto investments and meme stocks.
Yes, all your points are valid to me. It’s surely a combination of factors. I follow these topics of low fertility, life goals, mid life crisis (as someone mentioned ) closely. I find it fascinating to see which way the World is evolving, and where do I find myself in this puzzle.
Yes. Eg for me it took 10 years to reach the high income level, and 10 more years to start thinking about golden handcuffs and what do I even want to do in my life.
What I mean is, someone who is 20 may look at this and think: I don’t even know if I can reach this high income level, and even if I do, real estate is super expensive. I will be in my 40s and only then should my life begin? So they decide to enjoy their life earlier. I don’t blame them. I sympathize with them.
I can understand that. I was there once. In my first job it was a Partnership and becoming a Partner seemed like an unobtainable goal as a trainee. With it you get a six figure salary and likely a profit-share which takes your total comp to 7 figures a year.
I didn’t stick around as it wasn’t for me, but when I look back, all my contemporaries who stuck it out made it to Partner withing 10-14 years. It was just a matter of putting the work in over a long period of time.
It reminds me of a quote: “People over-estimate what can be done with a lot of effort over a short period of time, but people under-estimate what can be achieved with a small amount of effort over a long period of time.”
I like the idea of “enabling” instead of allowing. And you’re right, it’s important to let some space to the other half to enjoy some free time but with the good dose of balance I think, otherwise it could be a trap leading to future issues/regrets.
Of course, we have all unique schedule constraints and family organization so to each his own. But personally I still find it hard to enable regular free space especially when kids are very young (I’m in the 0 to 5 years zone). I’ve seen lots of couples living parallel life, like they allow each others regular going out with friends and other personal activities while the other half is taking care of the kids but in the end, they don’t nurture their couple anymore by enabling quality time with the beloved half and rarely spent simple free time as a family (an activity being always an opportunity to allow the other to do something else for him/her). And sadly it already didn’t end well for some of them.
Right now with very young kids, I could never justify (with myself) sacrificing a week of holiday to go away by own while letting wifey outnumbered with the little monsters. They also grow so fast, making it hard not to prioritize them. But life is made of cycles right? I also know that free time tend to magically come back to you as they get older and popy and mamy became suddenly so booooooooring.
Exactly, by the time they are teens, many don’t want to be seen dead with you. And once in University, that’s almost the last you see of them, with them coming home only during the holidays and then they are off to work after that.
In the end, you have maybe just under 20 years with the kids.
I can relate to this very well, because I have 5 kids, and for many years have been a working single dad with at least 3. Here are a few things I’ve found helpful:
Delegate certain times to your kid(s) (say, two evenings per week, plus a full day on the weekend) and stick to that schedule religiously. If you have more than one child, set aside a special time for each. Whatever the commitment is, learn to be content with it. Then use the remaining time for your own hobbies and friends. The helicopter parent is a modern phenomenon. Kids can be on their own sometimes. If you are lucky enough to have a second parent, you can also coordinate with them.
If there are things you especially enjoy doing, teach your kids to enjoy those things to. The younger you start, the better.
Make friends who also have kids (ideally the same ages as yours). It will benefit yours and your kids social lives.
Spend at least part of your free time working towards an alternative source of income or a career change. That will give you a future change to look forward to.
I agree.
It is still a thing that need to be said.
Also I am not sure if what you said is really correct. Internet can show you people in “under developed” countries that are far happier than people around here. I’m sure that they might answer positively to the question if they have won in life.
It’s all relative.as Bojack aptly commented.
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) that it makes sense.
