For me it’s like: bed > desk > couch > bed. Shower is optional
Honestly I don’t see any other job I could do that isn’t like this. I’m good with numbers and logic, so I’m just glued to the screen. No contact with physical World. I even avoid going to the office as it ruins my productivity.
I know how you feel, but I can’t stop thinking that there’s more to it than that. I think whatever your hourly rate is, sometimes it helps to just take a moment sometimes to do nothing. Or vacuum the house (a friend finds it very meditative). And enjoy the little moments.
yeah, I was also in this kind of ‘Naval Ravikant’ mindset until some time ago, then I started to lean a bit more towards the ERE approach of building skills (what am I going to do once fired, just remove the ‘desk’ element from the ‘bed > desk > couch > bed’ equation ? )
This saying is so wrong in so many ways. First, the person in Ferrari might be more miserable than the person on a crappy bike; second, I’m personally happier with my bike and a big sum invested than with a Ferrari; third, on a more general level, money is obviously important for happiness to a point - at a certain point, there’s no amount of Ferraris that will make us happier.
For me the saying translation is this:
“At same level of everything else in life (spiritual, emotional, social, etc.) it is better to have more money than less”.
or
“If you are a (put profession here) it is better to earn 100 CHF per hour than 50 CHF.”
My general impression is that the closest approximation of long-term happiness one can achieve is having good family/friends/community relationships. I think family life is the best for this because it’s much easier to build than close life-long friendships or a community. It’s also kinda automatic as you’re with your family almost all the time. I also think this is deeply hardwired into our genes - and therefore the modern culture is mostly self-destructive by trying to sabotage traditional lifestyles.
One of the things that I realized recently is that our brain tricks us. The truth is following our passions and dreams (not speaking of typical happiness-chasing activities, like buying stuff or watching Netflix) not necessarily will make us happy - in fact, most likely it will just spin the hedonist treadmill and thus make us unhappy. Our brain is lying to us about what we need - we tell ourselves we need shiny objects or more laying on the couch, and then when we get it and we feel disappointed and not satisfied after a while (or even more tired!). In fact, what we need is the opposite - Call Newport calls this “high-quality leisure” - something that is demanding and hard but fun at the same time. It seems to me that the basic psychological research tells us that modern humans are made happy pretty much the same way as prehistoric humans were - by building close relationships and community and by telling ourselves lies about the meaning of our existence (aka spirituality). We are constantly misled by ourselves and others (especially by marketing, media, popular culture, etc) in what will make us happy. The basic truth is that happy people are living simple lives of simple joys in close bonds with their family and their tribe. But then this is difficult to pull off because we’re diverted from it by the modern mainstream culture.
There are many ways to approach making this existential horror less destructive to our mental well-being. Cal Newport for instance proposes “Deep life”, which consists of four Cs: community (family, friends, etc.), craft (work and quality leisure), constitution (health), and contemplation (matters of the soul). I personally focus on family (spending every evening and every weekend with my wife and son) and on quality leisure (reading and writing). I’m trying also to improve on my work (learning programming in an online bootcamp at the moment) and constitution (health, sport, diet, etc) - but in these two areas of my life, I often maintain some regime for a couple of months and then go off the tracks for a couple of months. I find it very hard to maintain stability in these areas - it’s a huge sinusoid. Contemplation is the most difficult though - I try to force myself to start to meditate but always something distracts me. And I can’t find anything else as I’m not a spiritual or religious person. In any case, I try to make the most of this TED talk and Cal Newport’s approach, and most of my energy goes towards my family life and I’m really satisfied with it - It’s not perfect, there are many things to improve upon, but I think it’s pretty good and it’s the main source of happiness and meaning in my life. It’s also the main source of stress and hard work but I guess that’s the point - that’s what deep life is really about.
I try to focus on only a few things at the time, for a limited amount of time (say a season) to try and boot-strap them into habits.
Some things just take a long time, meditation is one of them. I believe one needs to take at least one multiple days-long meditation retreat to get the first hang of it, otherwise there’s no way to make it a habit simply because, by trying a bit here and there, it’s close to impossible to get to the “ha-ha” moment when one finally, after a lot of struggle, makes it to be able to control the mind for a few minutes in a row. That said, I never managed to get into the habit of doing it regularly myself, will pick it up again at some point.
Oh yes, that’s definitely good tip as I’m terrible at multi-tasking. I have a single thread brain and I can’t process multiple things in the same time. Although for me the difficulty is that even when I do something for some time, then something occurs - I get sick, I go for vacation, I’m in a lockdown - and after that event it takes me few months to get back on track. I’m terrible at this and I really don’t know how to protect myself from this instability.
The human brain is inherently bad at multi-tasking, unless you made something so habitual that it’s taken care by the “fast”, autonomous part of the brain.
I can totally relate to your feeling of falling out of the newly built “habit” once I had been forced out of the routine for a couple weeks. I think this will always happen and this is where one needs will-power to get back on track, until the habit is properly established.
I would just advice to never say/write things like “I am terrible at X”. Look back and you’ll see quite a few things that you thought you were “terrible” at before putting some effort in and becoming proficient.
I would go even further, our brain isnot able to do multitasking. When you are doing two things that need your attention, what you are actually doing is “switchtasking”, meaning that you switch back and forth between the tasks very quickly. Which is really bad for your attention and leads to lower productivity.
I can recommend the book “Deep Work” by Cal Newport for some more insights about focus, attention etc.
Your bank account certainly does. In one case you can afford paying a good psychotherapist, have free time to decompress from chronic stress (causes most mental health problems) and money to buy good food, spend time outdoors on the sun, nature, etc. (all factors that alleviate depression).
And in the other you have to go to the social security doctor and guzzle psychiatric pills down and ride your bike again to your 9 to 5 stressful job while living in a noisy building because it is the only appartment you can afford. All very conductive to heal from depression, sure.
Crappy apartment in the city center? Who needs that? In my opinion, you don’t need a Ferrari to look after your mental health. Possessing a Ferrari can in fact contribute to depression fueled by a hedonist treadmill, status anxiety, and stress over something happening to your precious car.
Mit dem Lesen und der Teilnahme an diesem Forum bestätigst du, dass du die Forum-Richtlinien gelesen hast und damit einverstanden bist sowie den Haftungsausschluss auf http://www.mustachianpost.com/de/ akzeptierst.